Trust: Something You Are or Something You Give?
Trust: A Reflection of Self or a Mask for Insecurity?
The Illusion of Trustworthiness
Every disappointment we encounter in life is more than just an event—it’s an interpretation, crafted by our fears, insecurities, and expectations. Think about it. How often do we blame others for breaking our trust, only to realize that it was our own fragile sense of self that couldn’t withstand the storm? We are conditioned to believe that trust is something others must earn from us, as though we are the keepers of this elusive commodity. But what if we’ve had it all wrong?
The truth is, trust is not something we give. It’s something we are.
When we say we trust someone, are we truly acknowledging their integrity? Or are we merely projecting our own insecurities onto them, expecting them to behave in ways that keep our vulnerabilities protected? When we demand trust, what are we really asking for? Is it reassurance? Is it control? Or is it simply a cry to mask our fear of being let down, of facing the reality that the only person we don't fully trust is ourselves?
Do We Mirror What We Preach?
We preach trust to our children—“Trust is the foundation of friendship!” “Trust is essential in relationships!” But do we, as parents, ever stop and question if we embody that trust ourselves? Do we mirror the very behavior we expect from others? Or do we hide behind the façade of confidence, secretly terrified that others might not live up to our expectations?
Think of the countless disappointments you've faced. How many of them were born from expectations—expectations based on beliefs you never even questioned? You expected someone to act a certain way, to meet a certain ideal, and when they didn’t, the trust was broken. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: we never hold ourselves to the same standards. We justify our own failings with excuses, yet refuse to offer the same leniency to others.
It’s easy to say, "I don’t trust them because they’ve hurt me." Did they really hurt me, or was every disappointment just a reflection of my own insecurities, with the pain stemming from my inability to confront them?" When we constantly compare others’ actions to our preconceived ideals, disappointment is inevitable. We build these expectations based on our past experiences—experiences that we believe are the truth. But how accurate is our past, really? How sure are we that what we think happened is the reality? Our interpretations of events are always tainted by our own fears, insecurities, and biases.
Trust: A Mirror of Self-Acceptance
Here’s the radical thought: if we loved ourselves enough—if we truly embraced everything we do, acknowledged our capacity for growth and change—would we still need to hide behind the walls of mistrust? If I see growth as a beautiful, inevitable part of life for myself, why should I not see it in others? If I am unafraid of judgment, what is the point of keeping secrets, of demanding others shield me from their own truths?
So often, we judge ourselves for not being good enough, and in doing so, we fear that others might think the same. It’s this fear that compels us to build walls, to demand trust from others as a way to protect the comfort zone we’ve created. We are afraid of disruption, afraid that the image of strength we project might crack under pressure. But if we are truly strong, truly confident, what need do we have for boundaries?
Ask yourself: What are you protecting yourself from? What are these so-called threats that you feel must be kept outside? The need for trust, the demand for loyalty, is often just a desperate attempt to cover our insecurities. If I love myself enough, if I am secure in who I am, what is there to hide? What is there to fear?
Trust is not something to be earned or given. It is a state of being. It is a reflection of how much we believe in ourselves, not how much we believe in others. When we trust ourselves—truly trust ourselves—there is no longer a need to control others or fear their judgment. There is only freedom. Freedom to be fully seen, fully known, and fully accepted, without the walls we build to hide our insecurities.
So, the next time you question someone’s trustworthiness, turn the mirror inward. Are you really questioning them, or are you afraid to face your own fears? Are you building boundaries to protect yourself, or are you imprisoning yourself in the walls of your own self-doubt? Trust is not something we can demand from others. It is something we become, and once we embody it, the need to hide, to protect, and to control fades away. We are free, and that is where real trust begins.
